Feature: The infamous 7 hour long Battlefield 3 queue – A heroic tale

10:00 am: Early on a warm summers day, minutes after E3 opens its doors to the vast convention halls one person and his friend have the great idea to queue for Battlefield 3. Little did they know, what appeared to be only 1 hour long, the queue was hideously much longer. Much much longer.

10:10 am: Start off by taking photos of interesting things. A massive Sonic spinning around in circles, cool.

10:30 am: Start to socialise with anybody who is in the queue. Make idle conversation about anything game related, you’re in the right place after all. Discuss about where you come from, great to do if you’re not from America as you can moan about things such as extortionate game prices in the UK or game ratings in Australia.

10:50 am: Watch vividly as hired female dancers play Dance Central 2. Maybe the Kinect has a use after all. Take photos.

11:30 am: Reach the first of the two corners in the queue. Get extremely excited. Believe we are close and that the queue will take no longer than 2 more hours, but the wait will be worth it.

12:00 pm: The queue hasn’t moved. Become a little skeptical.

12:20 pm: The queue has moved by four spaces despite that they let in 16 people at a time to play the game. Turns out media can just jump in and wait in their own VIP queue for about 10 minutes. Good for them.

12:40 pm: Pretend you need the toilet and ask your friend to hold your place in the line. Look at a bunch of other stuff on the floor. Take more photos of the games you won’t have time to play.

1:00 pm: Get back. Make up an excuse as to why going to the toilet took 20 minutes. Tell them to not use cubicle 3.

1:30 pm: The point of no return. Nothing can convince you to leave this queue now, you’ve been here too long. Convince yourself it will be worth it and that you’ll probably get a go soon. How many members of press can there honestly be to cut in line? Remember that 70,000 people were attending that day. Get a little sad.

1:40 pm: Play I Spy.

1:41 pm: Get bored of I Spy.

1:50 pm: Go grab pizza with Australian guy from queue, tell friend to hold your place in the queue.

2:00 pm: A sudden surge of people move. Get excited, this must mean that you are close to getting a go. The surge means you can finally turn the final corner. You have reached the last leg. Be proud of yourself, you’re a survivor.

2:02 pm: You’re not a survivor. You’re an idiot.

2:10 pm: See the amount of nominations this game has received for best game of E3. Grab attention of attendee working there. Make snide joke about how this game should win longest queue of E3. Watch as she says sorry a lot. Emphasise how you’ve been there for over 4 hours. Watch as she has more sympathy and tries to assure you that now she’s only letting in 10 VIPs for every 6 normal people. Wonder how many people were not allowed in before this. Don’t bother asking.

2:30 pm: Sit down. Feet are killing you. Remove shoes, smell odour. Leave shoes off because you don’t care about anyone else. You’ve been here for 4 and a half hours, screw other people.

3:00 pm: Friend needs cigarette, tell him you’ll hold his place as he leaves for a smoke. Start people watching as you are directly outside the main entrance doors to the hall.

3:10 pm: See Reggie from Nintendo. Say hi. He doesn’t acknowledge you. Screw Nintendo.

3:15 pm: Friend returns. Make a massive ruckus about how you have no idea who he is and that he is queue jumping. Friends love it when you do that.

3:20 pm: See Peter Molyneux of Fable fame. Say hi. He looks at you. This look becomes a look of disgust. Screw Fable: The Journey .

3:30 pm: After hearing the same Star Wars theme tune for the 20th time start singing along to it. This is a great idea. All queue attention is now on you. You are a God. No one claps when it finishes. People do not understand talent when they hear it.

4:00 pm: Sing the Star Wars theme again, but now louder.

4:01 pm: No one claps again.

4:10 pm: You have been in the queue for 6 hours. You regret it. You could have done a whole lot of more in 6 hours.

4:30 pm: A representative comes out and tells you that you may not get a go due to lack of time. Your face drops. You did not just spend a day of E3 standing in a line to not get a go. He promises you custom dog tags regardless for your patience. Ask if instead you can have a VIP pass for the next day instead. He says no.

4:40 pm: The group in front of us have entered the room. You are now the front of the queue. You have no idea if you will get a go or not.

4:45 pm: Representative confirms you will get a go. Scream loudly in excitement.

4:50 pm: Jump 2 barriers and stand in the VIP queue on your own. You are a VIP. Representative tells you more VIPs are coming and you have to move or be kicked out. Quickly move.

5:00 pm: 7 hours later… The doors open. You enter. Smugly look at the people at the back of the line knowing that they will not get in. Rub it in their face slightly.

5:30 pm: Worth it.